Changed my Mind

As many of you know, and most disagree with, I have long held that it is “improper” or “not correct behaviour” for There to remove you from someone’s buddy list when you remove them from yours.

Thus, if Jack buddies Jill, and Jill buddies Jack back, they’re on each other’s buddy lists. And when Jack logs in, Jill can see it, and vice versa. Next week (not that this EVER happens in There), Jill decides she doesn’t want to be Jack’s buddy, and removes him from her buddy list. However, Jill’s still on Jack’s buddy list, so Jack still sees when Jill logs in (presumably because she’s fooling around with Jack’s best friend, _Jack).

Many people – maybe every one but me – felt that we should not automatically remove Jill from Jack’s buddy list, because this was changing Jack’s list without his permission.

But, I changed my mind. I was wrong.

In an upcoming release, if you remove someone from your buddy list, and you’re on their list, you’ll be silently removed from their buddy list. (There may be a slight delay in you actually disappearing off their list, but they’ll instantly stop getting messages about your logins, logouts, etc).

So Jill and _Jack can be happy, and Jack will too, since he won’t know about them.


P.S. Thanks to itechgear (I thought it was “Itchgear” for a second ๐Ÿ™‚ ) for the image.

  1. #1 by Meret on 2012.10.12 - 12:42 pm

    While I was never in favor of this option (removing someone from MY buddy list) unless they actually put me on ignore, one problem with this approach is this.

    – I allow someone to put me on their buddy list (helpers, designers, zone owners, etc all do this with new people) but I do not put them on mine
    – Person becomes a problem, but when I try and add them to my buddy list, they refuse
    – Since they are not on my buddy list, I cannot use this new feature, so they can continue to see when I’m online, etc.

    • #2 by Michael Wilson on 2012.10.12 - 12:51 pm

      Very good point! Thanks.

      • #3 by PcMan Hoverboat Pilot on 2012.10.12 - 3:29 pm

        I’m guessing that also adding ignoring a person to remove yourself from their buddy list silently would be a good feature as well? Seems like that is the general consensus so far anyway. ‘shrug

  2. #4 by Alease on 2012.10.11 - 8:55 pm

    Thanks so much!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. #5 by William on 2012.10.11 - 1:26 am

    Yes, thank you very very much for changing your mind. I was a big supporter of this from way back.

    The only other buddy issue that I would love to see put in place is that people can only buddy request you once until you answer. A dozen times now since There reopened I’ve had it happen where someone will continually buddy request me over and over again. I try to click decline decline decline decline and when I try to click ignore ignore ignore it overlaps the accept button that eventually comes up and then I’m suddenly their buddy.

    I would love to see it that you can send ONE buddy request and if you try to send another to that same person a pop-up will tell the sender that they have already done that and cannot send another until the first is responded to.

    This can also happen with summonses, and giving brochures and such from what I recall. Would be great if it could only be once until an answer is received.

    Anyway – thanks again for this change. Y’all ROCK!

  4. #6 by PcMan Hoverboat Pilot on 2012.10.10 - 2:58 pm

    Is there going to be an “Ignore future buddy requests from this person” when I or anyone else has to decline buddy requests everyday? I’m not saying I’m against the idea here but I prefer to have a “zero” buddies pending each time I log on. If I keep declining someones buddy request to friend me, then will they still be able to spam me for friendship?

    I kinda prefer the method we have now when someone asks me to be their friend I can say yes, and when it asks to add them back I can say no. If this isn’t going to be true any longer then having the “buddies only” option status will be rather obsolete. This makes more sense for people who want to stay a bit more private (showing red hand to strangers) but still being green handed to buddies.

    Anyway, I hope you are able to keep the options a bit more open like the current system we have. Thanks!

    • #7 by Michael Wilson on 2012.10.10 - 3:31 pm

      “I kinda prefer the method we have now when someone asks me to be their friend I can say yes, and when it asks to add them back I can say no. If this isnโ€™t going to be true any longer then having the โ€œbuddies onlyโ€ option status will be rather obsolete. This makes more sense for people who want to stay a bit more private (showing red hand to strangers) but still being green handed to buddies.”

      It will still do that.

      Again, this change affects ONLY when you REMOVE someone from your buddy list.

      • #8 by PcMan Hoverboat Pilot on 2012.10.11 - 5:38 am

        Let the great buddy removal of 2012 begin! lol j/k

        Thanks for clearing that up! I’m glad the current system will remain in place with the addition of the silent buddy removal upon de-friending. ๐Ÿ˜€

  5. #9 by Valhala on 2012.10.10 - 2:02 pm

    Why not make it a checkbox option? Maybe even two. “Remove Jack from your buddy list. X-Also remove yourself from their list. X-Notify them of the removal.” Then EVERYONE is happy and There gives their customers the power.

  6. #10 by Mimi There on 2012.10.10 - 11:04 am

    Aww, man and I thought Jack left for Jane and Jill left for John. Gonna miss those two rofl.. Reminds me of a nursery ryme except it really was Jane that pushed him ๐Ÿ˜‰ I like this idea. BUT hope when some old members return that I removed can be readded. ( I know, go back up and reread Mimi)… PS is there a recipe for that crow pie MW? lol

  7. #11 by Camel on 2012.10.10 - 10:57 am

    Is this equivalent to saying that buddyship will be mutual, the way Facebook friends are?

    In the mentor/IG programs, I found it useful to auto-accept friend requests, because new members would have the opportunity to contact me if they had questions, but these aren’t necessarily people that I want to keep in regular contact with, or seek out on my own, so it wouldn’t make sense for me to add them back.

    Perhaps a better approach would be to allow members to double-secret-reverse-unbuddy people who aren’t in their own buddy list? Or, even providing the option at removal time would be nice.

    • #12 by Michael Wilson on 2012.10.10 - 11:01 am


      This says “If I remove you from my buddy list, and I’m on your buddy list, I’ll be removed.”

      It doesn’t affect the “Add Buddy” process at all.

    • #13 by soede on 2012.10.11 - 11:38 am

      I agree for much of the same reason, Camel as well as design related stuff. A lot of developers as well as helper types seem to prefer allowing themselves to be on other people’s lists but dont keep them on their own list. I’m glad it looks like we’ll still be give the option to add them or not or not, but it feels rude not to accept at the same time

  8. #14 by ร„(v)รฅNรยช (@MiseryGoddess) on 2012.10.10 - 10:40 am

    I never thought it made sense to have a private profile, remove a friend, and they could still see your private profile… yet they weren’t a “friend”. SO happy to see this updated! SAY NO TO CREEPERS!

  9. #15 by OzGate on 2012.10.10 - 10:19 am

    Mixed feelings. I basically agree but sometimes I ignore my wife because we’re in the same room and we don’t want feedback. Then I add her again so she won’t be banned from my frontier zone. I’m not suggesting a solution so much as defining my problem. Thanx for listening ๐Ÿ˜€

  10. #16 by Carpenter on 2012.10.10 - 9:43 am

    Now to fix it so that people you ignore can’t see your text or hear your voice chat.

  11. #17 by Ubber_Geek on 2012.10.10 - 9:33 am

    I like the idea of being able to remove myself from someones buddy list but I sometimes clear my list of people I don’t regularly speak to just to keep things simple and don’t really need my name removed from theirs.

    My suggestion would be that if I want my name removed from someones buddy list I would have to place them on ignore and I’m removed. I could than either keep them on ignore or not but that way I can easily clear my name from those that I do not want seeing when I log in etc… but also not mess with the lists of those that I really don’t mind seeing when I log in.

    • #18 by Orielle Thereian on 2012.10.10 - 3:19 pm

      I have always had mixed feelings on this. I like Ubber’s suggestion that when you put someone on ignore you get removed from their buddy list. I too occasionally clean up my friend list a little and just because I remove someone from my list doesn’t necessarily mean that I no longer want to be on theirs, but if I iggy them I most likely want to be removed from their friend list.

    • #19 by soede on 2012.10.11 - 11:43 am

      I think that’s the best suggestion I’ve seen so far. Ignore would definitely signify I want them removed from my list!

  12. #20 by soede on 2012.10.10 - 7:11 am

    Ack! I’m going to be the first to disagree!…but only partially.
    I’d like the OPTION to have my name removed from someone else’s list, but I dont think it should be mandatory. I’ve really appreciated in There that mutual buddydom is not required. Will someone still be able to send a buddy request and have it be one way? The automatic removal is a definite improvement in cases where you actively dont want to be on someone’s list, and having it be silently removed is definitely less drama inducing! BUT I’d like to hang on to the the ability to remove people from our buddy lists and leave their lists alone cause we dont have an issue with them at all. It’s just that much Less dramatic. =D
    If this new 2 part removal is planned as optional, i’m totally 100% in favour!

    • #21 by Riot_Girl_1 on 2012.10.10 - 2:59 pm

      I agree with the choice method. I often time remove people from my list simply because I don’t talk to them often enough to justify keeping them, but don’t have any problem with them otherwise and wouldn’t mind them keeping me on theirs. (I like to keep my list trimmed down to a minimum.) I’ve always liked how it was ran because I could do that easily and the other person could still see if I was on and contact me if they wanted/ needed to.

      Maybe the friend system could be kept the same, but it could be made that if you IGNORE someone they are removed from your list and you are removed from theirs. Then if you don’t want to still ignore that person you can remove them from said list, but you don’t have to worry about them seeing you online all the time.

  13. #22 by Wikked Bliss on 2012.10.10 - 6:40 am

    Great idea, something we have really needed for many years. On SL you get a message that somebody has dissolved your friendship, I always thought that was a tad rude, I prefer the stealthier way. besides if you are THAT concerned your ex or your enemy is online you can just check groups, but then that kinda makes you a stalker doesn’t it? Grins

    • #23 by Michael Wilson on 2012.10.10 - 6:45 am

      Yeah, we opted for silent.

      Well, Ok, the other proposal was to flash above Zona in giant Fringe-Style block letters “Jill and removed Jack from her buddy list” (with an appropriate flautlent sound). But we voted that one down.

      • #24 by Wikked Bliss on 2012.10.10 - 6:57 am

        Bummer… but understandable LOL and thank you : )

  14. #25 by Rhonda Lombardo Ebert on 2012.10.10 - 6:34 am

    awesome! thank you.

  15. #26 by techno420 on 2012.10.10 - 6:24 am

    Does that also include them being able to send Theremail?

    • #27 by Michael Wilson on 2012.10.10 - 6:26 am

      The rules are whatever apply to them “no longer being on your buddy list”.

      Which is NOT the same as being on your “Ignore” list. You have to manually Ignore them, if that’s what you want.

      • #28 by Deb Sassybeme on 2012.10.10 - 3:40 pm

        Oh ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I had thought it would include ignores. I thought that was the biggest complaint before. Once you place someone on ignore (least for me) your done dealing with that person. I know I wanted me off their list so they wouldn’t know when I was online to bother me further. I’m grateful you changed your mind on the subject. But, but.. guess I got over excited. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • #29 by Michael Wilson on 2012.10.10 - 3:51 pm

        Well…we just went by what people kept telling us (loudly) they wanted.

        Of course we can revise it before it rolls out. Provided we don’t end with some grand mish-mosh of 37 different options, behaviors, dialog boxes and pop-ups ๐Ÿ™‚

      • #30 by Deb Sassybeme on 2012.10.10 - 3:58 pm

        Hey I like things simple. All I care about is being removed from ignored persons list. For any thing else my red hand can go up pretty fast. ๐Ÿ˜€

      • #31 by Greenie on 2012.10.10 - 9:54 pm

        My vote would go to the option of removing my name from the buddy list of anyone that I put on ignore. If no option is possible here, then an automatic removal of my name from the list of anyone that I put on ignore.

        I feel no need to automatically remove my name from the list of someone that I take off of my own buddy list. There are, virtually ;-P, hundreds of people who have me on their buddy list and are not on mine and I am completely fine with this.

        I’d also prefer for the person that I choose to ignore to NOT be able to see my text or hear my voice. Even more than I don’t want to see theirs, I don’t want them to see mine.

        Having someone stand outside of my zone and watch and listen to me defeats the purposes of putting them on ignore.

        Thank you very much for even reconsidering this issue.

  16. #32 by Francis_7 on 2012.10.10 - 6:08 am

    I am very much impressed. Thank you Mr. Wilson!

  17. #33 by Deb Sassybeme on 2012.10.10 - 5:57 am

    Thank you so much for changing your mind. ๐Ÿ˜€

  18. #34 by Whitefeather on 2012.10.10 - 5:48 am

    I for one think this is an excellent idea, and long over due! Thank you…

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